A massive perfectionism crisis

Overthinking Walks series

I’ve been an organisation coach for years now but still, I think I have been, as I’ve heard in a recent interview: “Sacrifying IMPORTANT over URGENT” for six months (for my whole life actually).

I made the decision six months ago to pause all my projects and focus on one only (helping people with organisation and clarity). At the time I was walking my cat with flip flops in the middle of a green forest and now I have 1000 layers of clothes and trees have no leaves.

It took me six months. Even if I was CONVINCED that that’s what I was meant to do because I love doing it, because I am good at it, because my expertise goes with it, because I have massive energy issues (I have narcolepsy) and I was going in and out of every sessions full and refilled with energy.

So why did it take me so long to finally do it?

The morning walk

I started having daily morning walks one year ago, when I was at my downest, changing medication so I had zero energy. My previous medication was giving me depression every single day, physical energy in the morning joined with a perpetual mental exhaustion. I felt like I had to make a change to a softer medication, to accept my condition and to leave in a slower way.

That is a process I had started 3 years ago (with moving to the forest) but I was not fully embracing it. So I had some months where I had no energy nor a wish to live basically. Sometimes you have to go very dark to find the light.

I started reading a lot, taking notes, learning and applying and the most important thing was to try to find the joy in very small things that you don’t have to pay for (or are very cheap to maintain) and also make you good (aka benefit your health).

I became very aware of all those little steps and walking in the morning with my cats, in the forest, was one of them. It is free. It can take five minutes or one hour if I want it but if I do it I feel way better.

Also reading in the morning, at least fifteen minutes, or having my jasmine tea in silence. I’ve been doing it for one year now and I enjoy it so much that it has become natural.

When walking is when I have the best ideas but perfectionism destroys them as soon as I get home

I am writing a full script in my mind and I could just record it, get back home and make a great video of it but as soon as I get back, I start thinking: “Nobody is gonna care about this”, “I should include some B-roll to make it better”, ‘It is so much work”, “It’s gonna take forever”. Then I end stressing myself and not doing anything.

So I have decided that those walks will turn into long form videos, with no structure at all and it is terrible for perfectionism. I am reading so much about taking action, motivation, fear, procrastination and there are many things I know already but I want to make them clear for you without thinking about social media or short form content. I just want to share my research and help.

It will never be perfect and it will never be complete: two things I should accept.

First is analysing what hides behind this fear of publishing something.

I would never treat anyone like I am treating myself and it’s so scary.

So what I am writing right now is about taking action. Why is it so hard? Even when you have everything in place: planned, quantified, time blocked, you know it’s easy, you know it’s going to make you good and still you can’t do it. There is something there!

I feel like everything has already been said in this matter but it’s mainly about fear (analyse your fear and use it to advance), priorization, wishes and for me personally: fear of not being perfect or enough but that is something I am working on :)

A good tip for when you are stuck

If you feel like you have too many ideas, and you can’t act, you don’t know what to do even knowing what you should be doing. It feels too big: JUST GET OUT. Have a walk, talk to yourself, vlog yourself. Get back home and clarity will come. I promise.

If you vlog and it is still not a relief, transcribe your video, copy and paste into the AI of your choice and ask it to simplify it. At least you’ll get some clarity on what is in your mind.

The most important is taking it and putting it outside.